Therapy is a Blast, Peeps. Really.

First, let me say - it only seems like a bad idea to have a male sub with identity issues (maybe some denial, a smidge of shame, a few tiny issues from having been...arguably, emotionally abused) -- to see a strong woman therapist, a essentially a surrogate Domme figure, for counseling.  

Especially one who happens to be within a year or two of our hero, wish2Kneel, and thus would very definitely fall into the category of "Dominant Female Authority Figure" to what can (pretty honestly) be described as an emotionally stunted and kinda f@#$ed up male-sub-in-the-closet.

But wait - hold on - hear me out.  

Seriously. 

w2Kneel has this vanilla job issue / thing.  

See, when he can manage to let go of his "official" vanilla job and its responsibilities (so essentially, his massive case of workaholicism & hiding-from-life-in-his-job-ism) - w2Kneel is actually a pretty okay guy, as male subs go.  He has what are, generally, the same issues a LOT of male subs face.   Shame, about their societally-abnormal identity and their 'weird' kinks.  Self doubt.  A massive deficiency of self care.  A historical (and probably ongoing) lack of emotional support.  Fears of inadequacy.  A desire for emotional recognition.  A history of being burned by someone who wanted an ATM instead of a sub.  Maybe a nice stable vanilla relationship where they came out to their partner, and were dumped and outed to others as a "freak" (score another one for w2Kneel).  

So yeah - when you put all of that stuff aside -- w2Kneel is a nice, relatively normal male submissive guy. 

...

...

Which is to say, he could SERIOUSLY benefit from some attentive and ongoing focus on his mental health.  Preferably from a professional.   With a license.  Not necessarily involving medication, but definitely by someone familiar with the lifestyle. 

And guess what most sex-positive, kink-aware therapists are? 

Yep. Female (identified).  So there's the start of our little recruiting pool for w2Kneel ... most of the kink-aware, sex-positive therapists are female identified, and the ones who have don't already have full client lists, are younger...right around w2Kneel's age.   

...

But w2Kneel, he's not stupid, right?   He could still find a male therapist to talk to, and avoid the whole "hey, you submit to women, so you probably shouldn't have a female authority figure as a therapist," Freudian issue, right?  He could talk to another guy about his various issues, right?

Yeah.   Uhm.   About that. 

We mentioned before (somewhere, I think, maybe...pretty sure?) -- that w2Kneel works in law enforcement.   

He's no longer a street officer - he's an instructor now (not a FTO if you're in LE, an RTO/RTC).   Which is to say - he's an Authority Figure.  Young for one, too.  And in a Male Dominated Field -- that would make him a recognizable Male Authority Figure.   In fact, let's go ahead and separate the two identities, just to be clear .... we have our nice, normal, (mentally and emotionally stunted fuckup) w2Kneel... and then we have our Male Authority Figure...let's call him Male AuThoriTy figure, hmmm,  Matt.    (Shut up.   It makes sense.  It's not arranging letters to fit...nooooo, not at all.  Shut up.) 

So Matt, he's been in law enforcement since graduating college at the tender age of 20.  He picked up graduate degrees over the years.  Plural.  He made supervising rank and field instructor in his first agency after a few years, and transferred to a new agency, made field training officer again and then regional training officer.  Matt is just into his 30's.  Matt is quiet.  Matt doesn't talk much.  Which he has been recently told apparently (unintentionally) adds to some kind of bullshit "mysterious quality".  (If we had known there was such a thing, w2Kneel and Matt both would have made it a point to talk about stamp collecting and Onanism to every single fucking person daily, from the janitors to the internal affairs clerks.  'Mysterious quality', my ass.  We just don't have anything worth saying most of the time.)

And Matt, see, he doesn't have much of a life either.  He's kind of a loser, really, since his work personality doesn't exactly match the "Him" of his dating or social life (when he ever has either of those) -- so out of self defense from the clutches of the evil and vile matchmaking harpies at his Agency office, he spends most of his time actively busy constantly focused on work.  A looot of work.  The result is, "the reward for a hard job done well, is a harder job."   Which is just SUUUUPER frustrating for wish2Kneel, because it means even more "recognition" as a "strong, competent masculine role model".  

*whine*   And wish2kneel isn't even ONE of those "macho" law enforcement guys!  There's not a single whiff of eau du macho!  He doesn't have a single ThinBlueLine colored curse word on a bumper sticker!   He's sandy haired!  Pale!  (Okay, he's a gym rat, but he's a runner, not a weight lifter!)  He's not even tall!  He's got five years on his current partner, and at 5'9 she's got two inches on him before she even puts on heels!  It's not fair!  *whine* 

...

Sorry.  Obviously, wish2Kneel and Matt have a few things still unaddressed in therapy. 

....

So, anyway.  Matt.   Matt is the problem.  (that Male Authority Figure bastard.)  Matt has to be balanced with w2Kneel, for life to move on.   (I mean, that's kind of the theme of the blog here, if you t'ain't noticed.)    

And seeing a male therapist, no matter how sex positive or kink positive ... that's gonna be really uncomfortable on the few days when Matt is waxing high and w2Kneel is waning low.  Matt gives orders, and he doesn't talk to people, and he definitely doesn't discuss his feelings.   Whereas w2Kneel...he pretty much does whatever he's told (eventually) by a trusted Female Authority Figure.   Which makes therapy challenging...but (by cheating) - doable.   So long as, you know, clear boundaries in w2Kneel's (somewhat) broken little head.  

So yeah. 

Full circle. 

Back to a female therapist, being an authority figure for a male sub. 

It makes a kind of sense.  I mean, w2Kneel will listen to a female therapist.   And god knows, he would use some experience with a female authority figure that is neither manipulative (like his last "girlfriend"), nor degrading and insulting like some Pros, nor harmful (like his first, and last, attempt to have/be honest with a vanilla partner).  

To be honest, speaking with a someone honestly and without staring at the floor mumbling is doing wonders for w2Kneel's ability to talk to women other than ones Matt has arrested -- and w2Kneel slowly talking through things is (probably) a healthy thing and will (hopefully) some day make for healthy w2Kneel/Matt life-living-stuff.  

Therapy is one of those things a lot of male subs, in this Male Authority Dominated society, could probably use a little bit of.   Or, you know, a LOT of.   Whichever they can afford.  

But, yeah, what doesn't help?

Is when w2Kneel's therapist, who is a very sweet and kind woman who actually has her degree from the same school w2Kneel got his from, and is very knowledgeable about the lifestyle, and has always been very supportive, and very professionally neutral, and never once let her own orientation come into things....

When w2Kneel's therapist, whose orientation w2Kneel had NO FUCKING CLUE about until, you know, this afternoon - when w2Kneel was leaving after a good discussion and some good things, and she so kindly...so nicely...so accidentally, slips up and congratulates w2Kneel on his way out the door by patting him on the shoulder and saying, "good boy...,"....

*sigh* 

That.   That does not help.   

....

Therapy is just going to be such a blast next time, folks. 

...

Fuck. 

....

Therapists forget things, right? 

There's a good chance she'll just forget, and w2Kneel can pretend that wasn't the first hint of emotional approval he's had from a Domme in years...right?   

Please?

*sigh*

Fuck. 

This One Time at a Munch ... AKA, More Evidence That W2K has horrible luck meeting people...

 "Have we talked before?   I swear I know you...," she said, squinting slightly as she tilted those heavily permed blond frosted flake---er, locks, to the side.  It offered a very fetching view down the solid wall of peroxide bleached hair straight into a valley of cleavage that was very definitely on view.   (If only I was a nice, normal asshole, like my first partner, Kenny...I'd take the invitation and enjoy the sights.  Instead, I'm saddled with a lifetime of old world manners and new world guilt -- so I stare straight ahead and set a reminder to repeatedly call myself a loser later.  It's a personality flaw.  I'm working on it.)

I kept the careful, blank smile that comes so naturally in my profession and nodded slowly, because friendly, affirmative body language always makes little white lies more believable --  

"No, I don't think so....I don't get out much.  Really don't."

Lying man whore.  

"Are you suuu--re?  Maybe you were here last month?   Or at Passional?" she asked, stretching the words, obviously putting the hamster on the wheel into overdrive.  Poor hamster.  All those peroxide fumes.  

"Pretty sure," I re-lied.  

Once is polite, lying twice is rude... bad man whore.      

Well, I'd be a man whore if I just took the one-offs at play parties instead of going to munches and single's events looking for an actual relationship.  

It might be nice to be a man whore.  I should ask Kenny.  

With the vague, empty smile fixed firmly in place, I nodded again, looking around the mostly empty back room of the bar and ticking off the faces against any recent face sheets, warrant pages and digital security images that had come across my desk.   Nada.   Not a one.  I recognize not a single face tonight.  Should have been a great night to be a cop at a kink event - not one face from a wanted sheet, previous arrest or open warrant.  

Until Frosted Flakes.

Because I'm a lying (not quite) man whore who helped in processing her when my previous partner (and supposed wingman, if she hadn't skipped out on me by text ten minutes after I got here...fucking Christa) arrested her three months ago for Agg Assault.  And simple assault.  And possession of an instrument of crime (PIC, like a "pick axe").  And recklessly endangering another person.   Also known as the Philly combo.  

It's at this point that I realize, Frosted Flakes is still talking -- and I've missed a chunk of it.  She doesn't seem to have noticed, from the unfocused irises, flushed cheeks, even keel of her self-propelled conversation, as well as the vaguely forward lean of her face, and hair, and generous cleavage --

...How does women's hair stay together like that, anyway?  Is there a gene for that?  Some kind of special product?  

I think her hair hasn't actually moved, except when she's used it to highlight her assets in a pre-planned assault on the conversation, since she's walked over here.  I mean, Jesus, my hair goes everywhere.  I have to cut it buzz short in the summer just to keep it out of the way when I'm teaching at the Academy.  When it grows out like now, I'm like a Beirut hostage to its whims.  

......and I've missed more of the conversation.   Great.  I tune in just in time to catch the words, 

"..ever since I started as a submissive, I've really been into tall, athletic kinda guys - "

*sigh*

-- aaa-and I see where this is going. 

....

...

Break the news gently?

Break the news like an ass?

Slip it in all gentle like?

Drop it like a rock in a kiddie pool?

Awwww screw it.  I need to get away from Frosted Flakes before the alcohol seeping out of her pores wears off and she starts to associate images of me with fantasies involving handcuffs.   That would be bad.  I'm pretty sure at some point I did, in fact, put her in handcuffs.  

"Not a Dom.  Sorry.  I'm sure there's plenty of guys here who are," I paused, carefully and with some exaggeration, glancing around the room before settling eyes on the table full of guys reeking of machismo, wearing tacticool wannabe "Modern Warrior" gear, who had been drinking and sharing their favorite "I've done that to a girl," Fetlife photos since the munch started.

(Every munch has at least one pair of those guys.   Don't try and pretend it doesn't.  This time there was a table of four.  Joy.  Good luck, Frosted Flakes.)

I nodded vaguely at the table, still holding onto that blank, empty smile.   Frosted Flakes glanced at them, and looked back -- and this time the look was one I was much, muuuuch more familiar with.

The "hey, this guy's a male sub," look.

AKA, the "I knew something was wrong with him," look.  The "what a shame," look.   Not to be confused with the "what can I get out of him with a little flirting," look, or the "he probably still lives in mommy's basement," look.  Or the ever famous, "what kind of loser are you?" look, or the "he's probably doing something sick and pervy right now," look.   

Hey, what can I say -- I've had them all at one point or another.  I'm a male sub, in the scene in Philly.  

Common Sense Closet for sub boys in "That Field" (covering BDSM playtime bruises and marks when you're in law enforcement)

Every one of us in this field should have certain things in the closet.   If you have a Badge, it's a given you have at least some or most of these.  

1.  The Court Suit.   The one you never use for anything else.  You keep it lint rollered, dry cleaned, tie already tied (just loosened enough for your neck to fit in), belt probably still on the pants from last time -- shoes somewhere vaguelly close by, academy shined.  

2.  The Vest.  The raid vest, with all the gear attachments pre-arranged, hanging on the special hangar (because it's probably already broken three or four regular ones) - with a second badge you solo'd from Smith and Warren pinned to it because it's too much effort to keep moving yours from holder to raid vest and back.  Already set to your size, so you can slide it on like a t-shirt, pull the side tabs to tighten, get your buddy to check the straps and hook your radio wire, then get moving. 

3.  The Duty Belt.  Don't both saying you have this in a safe.  You don't.  You might lock up the gear, but the belt is hanging in the closet, or on the edge of a chair, or a silent butler (if you're old school).  With the belt keepers still halfway attached.  And anything non-weapon-issue still in its holsters.

4.  The Tactical Pants/Clothes.   You have'em.  You may not wear'em.   You may even be planning (or may have succeeded, hallelujah!) in giving them away.   But they are or were there.  Because we all started out as boot as F, and bought the $80 5.11's, with the 45° angle back pockets and the side strap none of us can figure out a purpose for, and the side pockets that honestly - are exactly the same as Wrangler Rangers (but not half as well sewn, and three times the price).   

But if you're both law enforcement, and kinky, well... then your closet is missing some stuff. 

Because you don't just need the gear.    Now you need the gear, to hide yourself from other guys' gear.  

(Thank God our field is almost always long sleeve -- even when we're plain clothes)

1.  Base layer mock or actual turtle necks (dry-fit or quick-dry or whichever).  Uniform color, or Neutral.

2. Hatch Neck Guardian (Or PPSS Guard) if your Domme is REALLY bitey

3. Knee Length Compression Shorts - Propper, Galls, Blauer, Condor - NOT Adidas, Under Armor or 5.11

4. Hatch or Propper Sleeve Guards / Sleeve Covers

5. Knee length socks 

Bruising? 

5.11 or Blauer both make Base Layer Mock (or the full) Turtlenecks.  Whether you're uniform service or plain clothes, pick up either uniform color or neutral color ones.   If you're plain clothes, you can still wear one under a polo to look professional, or under a t-shirt on the jump and look close enough to street if it's a concert shirt or a local, non-tourist trap shirt.   They're the same material as under armor so non-police blue ones can pass for just "cold weather under armor" if you're plain clothes, and they dry sweat just about immediately without holding in heat -- so summer or winter, they work.

And work to, you know, conceal those "territorial markings" that decorate from the side of your neck down to wherever your Domme felt like stopping.  

Bruises go even higher on your neck?   *sigh*  (Lucky.   Boast why don't you.) 

Hatch makes a slash guard "Centurian" neck protector.    Even though you could just use a low rise mask (age of COVID), if your uniform doesn't allow for those (most forces right now are mandating plain black face covering masks because a few guys put their politics on their faceguards) -- take a look at https://www.amazon.com/Hatch-Centurion-Kevlar-Protection-Black/dp/B001F6C7JA -- it'll cover just about everything, and I've seen SWAT and MARSHAL service guys wearing them when I've hit houses with them.   Although the Marshal guys generally wear the PPSS versions that run closer to $300. 

Bruises on your ass?   Knee length compression shorts are worth having, and not just because they make your ass look good.   Caning, spanking, whippings, and even (see below) rope work (or some nice rough CBT if that's how you swing -- no shame, brothers of whichever gender) -- base layer compression shorts are a plausible excuse not to strip at the gym, or during a change out before or after going out to serve warrants if you're a field officer.   Nobody looks twice at an officer keeping on a pair of knee length compression shorts between changing from field to street clothes, or uniform to tactical gear.  And they serve dual purpose if you wear a cup/genital protector under them -- protection, and covering up any swelling from last night's CBT party. 

Propper makes a good pair that'll last, Condors aren't bad if they have them in season (some years they make'em, some years they don't), Blauer makes great ones but they aren't cheap -- Galls makes some good generics - although they fit oddly if you're assigned-female-at-birth dressing as male, or vice versa.  Adidas makes ones that are styled by Gender most of the time, and they don't last long through constant wash cycles.   Under Armor is f-ing expensive (sign up for Id.ME if you haven't, tons of savings for LEO and Mil once you verify .... but STILL too expensive.)      Avoid 5.11's -- they're great quality, but they're also about three times the cost you want to pay.  

Rope Marks? 

No problems, we got you.  Rope marks are mainly an issue on the arms -- chest marks can be covered with under armor, and leg marks we'll talk about below. 

Propper makes a sleeve cover up, (as does Hatch) intended for duty use - Propper's is used for compression and warmth (and okay, covering ink when the brass is around), Hatch's is for slash protection.   Both are good to have if you're a street level officer regardless, and even if you're plain clothes it can be worth picking up Hatch's -- they're thin enough to fit under a hoodie.   And without, plain clothes' brethren -- long sleeve shirts (or that base layer under armor) is your friend.

For rope marks on legs - again, knee length compression shorts are worth having at least a pair or two of.    -- and not just for when you change at the gym.   Actually, you can get away with calf length compression shorts depending on where the rope marks are - and depending on whether you /actually/ do go to the gym.   It looks a little suspicious to have calf length (they're useful in cardio, and in no-gi grappling, not much else) compression shorts if you don't actually go to the gym.   For that, stick with just wearing long underwear when it's cold, or knee length socks.   

Have something to add?   I'm always interested in hearing - EM me on Fetlife or Twitter at the same name, or drop me a note on Gmail and I'll be happy to add to the list!  

Transitioning / Dressing 

BTW - if you're living transitioned and un announced as an officer - there's a LOOOT of great ways to dress for that, and to do it successfully.   I partnered with someone who was transitioning and living as a woman (she changed legal names and genders, then changed counties over and was assigned my partner) for nearly two years before we promoted in two different directions.   She's still one of my two calls.  (As in, if you were in prison in a foreign country, who would you call.  Law enforcement on surveillance have a LOOOT of free time to think about this kind of crap.) 

So I'll pick her brain at some point and write a version of this that is probably gonna be more useful than this one.   

Why Doesn't. WtK go to events?

WishtoKneel does go to events.

You don't recognize him.

Which is kind of the point.   And a professional skill. 
(not a bad one to learn, by the way.)



Have you heard of 'once bitten, twice shy'?

How about, 'once burned to flinders, forever shy'? 

My last but one decided that my inability to move with her to another state meant I wasn't a 'twue' submissive, or dedicated enough to 'Her' service. 

So she emailed photos and details about our time in the lifestyle to my father and mother, my partner, my senior supervising Agent, and two old friends from High School.

Essentially, everyone she had an email for in my email address book.

How nice of her.

I lost two of my oldest friends.  My parents still invite me to family affairs - but there's a very definite tone of "it's okay if you can't attend, really." 

It technically violates the code of Ethics we swear an oath to when we take a badge.  Consent, in PA, can't be given for assault.  My supervisor wrote it off as "whatever", since I was (assumably) the one taking all of the assault anyway.   He had a long and very painful (and humiliating) conference with me in his office about whether he needed to be concerned about my predilections for being assaulted spilling over into my professional duties.   And then he informed me that our division's servers had suffered 'another bullshit IT problem', and all incoming emails the day before were lost.  "Recovery don't look great.   Hope you saved anything important.  Now why are you still in my office?  I've gott things to do.  Dismissed."

That was also the day my partner took me out for a beer (a LOT of them) and showed me his Fetlife profile.  And his wife's.  And my clerical manager's (we were seven beers in by then, and I don't remember much other than jokes about our metal detectors). 

It was a day I learned to be outside looking in, and only to trust people in the lifestyle who I already knew or who I'd served with.  Take one in the vest next to me, and then you get to tie me up. 

It was a day I learned that dating was fine - committing to 24/7, not so much.  Photos or videos, never. 

So yes.  I do go to events.  Very rarely, very quietly, and not for long.  Classes too.  I learn.  I take notes.  I play sometimes with one or two people I already know and trust in the lifestyle, if they're available or if they want to see me at their home when I'm not working. 

And no, you won't recognize me.  I probably won't even talk. 

And now you know why.

If you’re going to ask…

I’m very happy to consider myself a service submissive and chew toy.  I help where I can, around my duties as a law enforcement officer.   Which, sorry – those come first.   I’m not bailing out on a duty day to deep clean your house at the last minute.  I realize you have a party tonight.   I have a duty, today.

If you’re going to ask a submissive for something, please remember that we’re human beings, not vending machines for money and services.  I rake leaves and shovel snow for my neighbors when the weather is bad.  I help with wood finishing at my partner’s wife’s business, because she asks and he’s my unit.  I chop firewood for another neighbor on the other side of my block – she’s a 42 year old widow and a Navy veteran with two kids.  Chopping firewood for her kids to have fires (and have a lower heat bill) is the least of her worries. Magically making half a cord of fire wood appear in her firewood is the least I (or anyone) can do.

After that – yes, I’ll help if I can.   I avoid events (once torched to cinders, twice shy), but I will help where I can outside of that.

Just please remember – we’re not vending machines.  We can’t, won’t, or shouldn’t be the types to drop everything to meet you for coffee (and pay for it, and bring you a ‘gift’ tribute) at your beck and call. 

Because if we are that kind of submissive – why would you actually want us?  Isn't that why God invented ATMs?

That’s not a submissive.   That’s a boy who watched a few too many porn movies, and will disappear as soon as he realizes you don’t live in a latex catsuit with the crotch cut out.

In the real world, we’re men who submit because we feel the emotion.   We feel the desire, to find one person who weakens us, cares for us, and takes our service.

In the rest of the world – we’re vending machines. 

Take your pick, Misses.  

Simple Laundry Softener - Easy Recipes for service submissives

You've probably been told to use vinegar before, if you're a home DIYer.

Don't.   Seriously.  You'll make clothes that smell awful and mildew easily.


2 cups white distilled vinegar
4 cups conditioner (ask your Mistress what her favorite scent is - either use a generic of that, or find essential oils and use unscented)
6-12 drops of essential oil, if you didn't use scented conditioner
6 cups boiling water
1/2 cup baking soda


Bring the water to a boil (use a pot, microwave won't do it) and then put into a big metal bowl to preserve the heat and to leave room for everything else.   If you have it, a Kitchen-Aide mixer is great for this - it's what I use when I'm making it for a gift for Domme's in my life.

Mix in the baking soda first, and then the conditioner.   You may need to heat the conditioner slightly (30-40 seconds in a glass measuring cup in the microwave) if it's especially thick.   Stir thoroughly until mixed entirely.   Keep it hot, so move quickly.  If you're using the mixer, leave it on low and just leave it on the entire time. 

You may have to use a silicone spatula.  That's fine - just don't "splat" it into the bowl.  You're going to get covered like that. 

Add the essential oil if needed.   Do it AFTER the conditioner.   Seriously, it won't spread completely otherwise.   Reheat if you need to at this point, but do it gently.  Very gently. 

Pour in the vinegar.   SLOWLY.  You're mixing vinegar and baking soda - you will get bubbling. 

Again.  Pour it SLOWLY, and the other ingredients will minimize the bubbling.   Keep wisking or mixing while you do it. 

AGAIN.   Pour it SLOWLY.   You remember those lava tubes you made as a kid?  Don't turn your kitchen into one. 

Keep mixing until entirely mixed in.

Let it set. 

No, seriously.   Let it set, or you're going to have an exploding bottle.

Use a nicer bottle from a craft store for it.   You can find large, sealing bottles for cheap at those stores (or Wal-Mart or Target) and they're re-usable.  Worth the investment - re-using a plastic container for this makes for a short life for the container. 

Use a half cup per wash.

Done.  Hopefully you get "good boy", or at least some bites.

Good luck, and may the clean kitchen be with you,

WtK

Simple Laundry Soap - Easy Recipes for service submissives

3 Cups of Water
1/2 Cup of Washing Soda (see the next for how to make it)
1/2 Cup Generic Dishwashing Liquid (ask your mistress what scent she likes)
1/2 cup Borax


Bring three cups of water to a boil, either on a disposable pot on the stove, or in a microwavable bowl or measuring cup.   I use a 4 cup measuring cup - cheap, re-usable, sterilizable and good to have for other things.

Slowly stir in washing soda and borax, and wisk until dissolved.

Add in dishwashing liquid, stir until you get a nice thick soup.

Pour into an old (and thoroughly cleaned, soap and HOT water, boys) laundry detergent bottle.  Use a single set amount per wash.   It works beautifully, and simply.

You can use a nicer container if you want to be fancier - you'll see the next post has some things about that. 

Go Pinterest how to make one. 

Seriously, go Pinterest it. 

I know you're a sub male (straight or otherwise).   Suck it up.   I'm not Pinterest, I'm WtK.

Good luck, and good bitey-toying,

WtK