FinDom is a fetish.

It just isn’t mine.

After a year or less of being on Twitter, and a few years on Fetlife, I’ve learned something about male submission and finally accepted something about the scene.   (Thanks in part to DieKonigin on FL, thank you…Miss.)

I’m also not a slave to Femdom.   Or at least, not to how the majority of Dommes I’ve met have defined it.  Many of us have this shared mental image that all boys have to accept that FinDom (financial domination) is just part of being a man in a submissive relationship.   It’s wrong..   And blinding.   And unhealthy. 

FinDom is a fetish.   Some boys, if they’re educated about it and choose it, find it to be a great thing.   It usually seems to go hand in hand with blackmail fetishes, humiliation, a strict interpretation of FemDom (and a twisted interpretation of Goddess worship) and degradation. 

If that is your thing, brother boys, then have at it.   Go tither and gift your Princesses.   Let consensual wallet rape-ery spread forth unto the land and bring harmony to all whom so ever desireth.   Let there be commerce. 

If you’re a sub male or boy and you don’t desire it – then don’t do it.   Seriously.   Don’t let the “common understanding” sucker you into it.  Don’t let the young ladies who tantalize with their barely clad bottoms and promises of “teaching” you how to submit “the right way” taint your self-esteem.

Too many of us wind up in the trap of thinking that our only value to a Dominant is as a wallet or an ATM.   I wound up trapped there with a previous girlfriend and trust me – there’s not much more that will destroy your desire to continue being submissive.   Thankfully that didn’t last long – my partner at work is lifestyle, and he had his (Dominant) wife straighten me out.   My wallet is much healthier now, if you’re wondering. 

Your relationship may be different.   Your mileage may vary.   Your.  Uhm.  Thing, may be.  Uhm.  Something.  

Don’t get trapped into thinking that it has to be one true way.   And make sure you attend events with older, non-horny-puppy sub men so that you can see different types of submission.  If the event is run by a group – green for go.   If the event is run by a group of FinDoms – do a little research and budgeting first. 

FemDom culture, and male submissive culture (they’re two different things, I swear!) have an unhealthy undercurrent of financial domination – and that needs to be called out.   (I’m a non SJW who just said “called out”.   I feel like such a fraud.)

You can be a submissive gentleman without paying all of someone’s bills for them.   That’s not submission – that’s being a sugar daddy.

You can be a service sub without paying for someone’s home renovations.  

And you can bottom to a Top without bringing Tribute and gifts for every play session.

I know it’s hard to separate the concept of being submissive from feeling the constant need to prove your worth.    But the scene has been sending the message to our sisters for years that their submission IS their worth.

Now we just need to seize that message for ourselves.