Do You Know, What It Feels Like In This World...

For a Male Submissive?   It feels like…

Half of our brothers are horn dog do-me subs that crowd out our questioning voices and make us feel ashamed of who we are inside.

&

The other half are either just as lost as we are – or have advice that helps with information, but doesn’t ‘help’ with the fear or the questioning.

Half of the females we meet in the scene look like they immediately attach the “creepy” label to our names when we offer to shake hands.

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The other half are either awkward around us, or have little idea how to just talk to us.  

Half of our families might disown us if they knew.  

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The other half definitely would.

Half of the Dominant women out there are of the mind that humiliation is the only "twue" way to talk to us.    (I already have issues with being submissive – I don’t need the humiliation too.)

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The other half have had such bad experiences with do-me subs that we often vanish into the aether. 

Half of the Pro Dommes and sex workers out there view us as ATMs.  (Not the good ones – but a LOT of the rest)

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The other half are honest about it being a business – but have to weed through so many do-me subs that it’s hard to talk to them. 

Half of society views us as weak.  Or sick.  Or gay (not in a homosexual way…in a dude-bro way).  Or as cuckolds.  Or as failed men.   Or…

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The other half views us as something overly romanticized (whether good or bad) and that makes it hard to be seen as a real person.

Half of the BDSM world feels like it’s made up of the ‘beauteous’ female submissives, and long sonnets about how wonderful they are – while male subs are the creepy ones.

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The other half feels like it’s made up of beautiful female Dommes – and then we feel like we can’t measure up.  

Half the adult videos out there translate “male submissive” into “forced-bi, cuckolding, cross-dressing freaky boy”.  

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The other half show us bleeding.   A lot.  From all kinds of unique impliments.   And body parts.  (and occasionally anally, from very rubbery – or very flesh and cartilage-ey implements).  

Half of the movies out there paint us with the broad brush of being weak, whipped, or cross dressers.

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The other half aren’t in English.   Or from our culture. 

Half of the vanilla women out there would end any relationship that involved us trying to open up about our feelings.

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The other half would get into it “for you”, then find someone else once they find out how much power a female Domme has in the American scene. 

I know it’s not that black and white.   I’m being cynical.  This – this is the lens a lot of us see through.  Especially at the beginning - and those first steps make lasting scars. 

I’m not speaking for all male subs.   I’m not even trying.   Some scene people will talk to us.   Brothers, Dominas, and Dommes – they’re rare, but they are there.   To those who have been there – thank you.  

But Dommes?   As many do-me subs flood your mailbox – I get just as many ‘tribute-me’ emails, and get flooded with just as many ‘go-away’ responses or get just plain ignored. 

We’re people.   We have kinks, we have fetishes – but we’re people.   Yes, there are a lot of do-me types.   We’re not all like that – and defending myself for their behavior is getting old. 

So uhmm, yeah.   That’s what it can feel like to be a male submissive. 

Sucks sometimes, huh?  

On Service

Service involves your heart.
It involves your soul.
It involves your emotional well being, poured into an action and vulnerable to its results.

It does not involve your penis.

Thank you.

So. Social Media. I knew I said not to do it for a reason. (Why didn't I listen to myself?)

I recently joined twitter and the world of social media.   In my job, most of us avoid it - it's a very quick way to be outed professionally (and lifestyle-ly).  So I do it through a VPN and an IP masker.

Saying that though, there are a few things I noticed that I'm grappling with.   And not the fun grappling, where you lose to a woman without having to throw the fight (WishToKneel is out of shape, but working on it - and WishToKneel has a lot of time in no Gi and Gi).

No, this is the kind of grappling where you try to redefine your views - because it's that, or just write them all off as mad, (possibly) bad, and irritating to know.

Things I have learned from Twitter:

• #Femdom is apparently a mis-spelling of #Findom (financial domination)
• Lifestyle #FemDom ladies and Dominants still expect "Tribute".  
• My fellow boys are in love with their anuses.   (Or at least they all act like asses).
• Common sense on choosing a lifestyle sub name (see the writing below?) apparently went out the window with the invention of hashtags. 
• An entire generation of young women are becoming Professional Dommes in order to have their high school or college homework done for them. 
• Conservatives are evil.   They are old white men who are ruining the world for LGBTQIA/BDSM/Everyone-Else.   But older white women are the saviors of the world.  
• Innocent until proven Guilty is "unfair" to alleged/possible victims and should be abolished. 
• If you state your opinion...uhm....just don't.   Just don't. 
• Everyone in the world is either trans- or trans-phobic.   Period. Dot. 
• Everyone in the world is either liberal, or male.  Period.  Dot.  
• Everyone in the world is either Feminist and misandrist (which is okay, because we men deserve it, I guess...uhm...so they say?), or an evil and disrespectful "meninist". 
• Every submissive must be prepared to buy things from an Amazon wishlist, or they are "bad boys" or "bad little bitches".  

I have met one or two very nice Pro Dommes on there - and like the Pro Domme who first taught me how to take a spanking (wow that was a long time ago!), they are upfront about being Pro Dommes and don't try to con anyone about it .

But wow...Twitter makes my head hurt.

Next?  

Facebook.

Pray for me.   Please, pray for me.

Hot Apple Cider - Easy Recipes For Service submissives

Cold weather is coming and the nights are already chilly.  Be ready to toss towels in dryers for your Mistress if you are luck enough to serve.  It's the little things that make up real service.

• 4 cups apple juice (concentrate is fine, but not the best.  The taste will need a little extra seasoning for concentrate.)
• 2 six inch cinnamon sticks or 3 five inch.  (1 more each for concentrate.)
• 6 - 7 cloves (2 extra for concentrate.)
• 1/2 cup brown sugar (2/3 for concentrate.)
• 1 tsp. Molasses
• 1 tsp. Orange zest (not necessary, but it's a nice touch?)

Heat over low in a deep pot for at least 2 hours, stirring every ten or so minutes with a ladle.  ( If that's too much work for you, use a self stirring crock pot.  If that's too much work, rethink the whole service thing.)

You'll need to add about a half cup of water at the top of each hour you heat it.  More if your range runs hot.  If using a crock pot with a good seal, a quarter cup should be fine. 

  The cinnamon should start opening up and unrolling after half an hour.   That's a good thing. 

If at any point it starts bubbling or truly simmering, turn it down.  Seriously, the sugar and molasses will burn and you will get punished in a not nice way.  Save your ass and save your Mistress the belt leather.  Just keep it heating, not simmering. 

After at least two hours, serve with it without a small shot of apple brandy. 

Get a pat on the head.   Good service submissive.   ^.^

Guys, male subs...can we talk?

Usernames, online and on Fetlife - they make an impact.   Seriously.   No fooling.

For example....

Username:  GirlsPeeOnMeNow
Username:  LovesDaMuff
Username:  FootSlut6969
Username:  DildoMcDuff
Username:  Slut43Some
Username:  AnalWhore4StrapDomme
Username:  Jack_Off
Username:  PissAllOverMe
Username:  CuntLicker2000
Username:  MoneyForMistresses
Username:  AssSlut4Strap
Username:  Buttholesurfer
Username:  Mas2rb8r
Username:  FuckMyButtholeNow

 - and the list goes on. 

*the above usernames are slightly altered and capitalizationally corrected to protect WtK's poor brain-goo.   any resemblance to real usernames currently being used on Fetlife or other sites is a result of poor WtK being unable to take typing them into the search bar to verify that his alterations did not, in fact, just make them into other stupid names*

If you are trying to be clever and present yourself in the best light for a potential Mistress or Domina...maybe names you used in 8th grade should stay in 8th grade. 

Newbie sub/guys - please...for the love of God!

Please, for the love of God. Please! Stop. Making. Us. All. Look. Like. Assholes. Online.

There are entire frakking boards dedicated to how we, as a group, manage to insult, disgust, irritate and offend Dommes and Doms alike. But we don't. YOU do.

Please stop naming yourself "AssHoleSniffingBunny", and "LiX4U". "Lik3sTaFuk" is also a bad one, and "BigCockSubBoy" should never have been typed. Ever. (Those are all changed to protect the guilty, moderators, I swear!) Why should you stop naming yourselves that? Because those names are FUCKING retarded, and make us all look like we think with our dicks. Names should mean something other than "I have a 10 point IQ to go with my (supposed) 10" dick!".

B? Stop. Making. Us. All. Look. Like. Assholes. At. Events.

I go to events quietly. I lurk; no denials. I work in a field where being out-ed would destroy my career. When I get brave enough to go to events, I stay in the background, I make myself look as generic as possible, and I listen twice as much as I speak.

When some of you go to events, you can't shut up. You run on, and on, and fucking ON about how "great" you are at X (oral), Y ("service" with your dick), and Z (oral. AGAIN.). You touch without being invited. You call yourselves Doms to sister subs, and call yourselves slaves to the Dom/mes.

You interrupt scenes, take pictures with cell phones, hit on other peoples' Dom/mes and subs, and do things that get the rest of us uninvited. Ever want to know why it's so hard for single, unclaimed, untrained submissive guys to find someone at events? Well, there you go. Ass.

C? Stop. Making. Us. All. Look. Like. Assholes. Period.

I over heard twelve versions of "you know what sub guys are like". At one frakking munch. ONE. MUNCH.

We have a shit reputation, because of one or two (or fifty) shit guys who identify themselves as subs to try and get laid. You go up to Pro Dommes, try to scam them out of free play time and fantasy material, and then get pissy and call them "whores". You try to "steal" another boy's Mistress (as if she was something that could be stolen!). You print up fake business cards that list your "sexual service specialties".

Yes. I've seen that last one. It made me want to fucking throttle him. He made sub guys' into losers in the eyes of every Dom/me and switch there. And most of his fellow subs.

STOP MAKING US LOOK LIKE ASSHOLES.

Thank you.

Assholes.

WtK

Homemade Gentler Laundry Soap - Easy Recipes for Service submissives

1 cup of Borax
1 cup of Washing Soda (ne' baking soda that was jury-rigged by baking for 2 hours at 250)
1 cup of (un-jury-rigged) Baking Soda
1/2 cup of Oxy-clean
3/4 cup of Fels-Naptha

...and when making laundry soap for a friend's Domina - remember that essential oils for scent don't smell the same when they mix with Fels-Naptha.  Experiment first.  

And that some essential oils react (energetically) with oxy-clean.

And that you should include directions on just how little She will need per wash, so she doesn't flood her laundry machine with bubbles (again).

*head-desk*

Bad Wishtokneel...should have paid attention to that "I know I'm forgetting something" feeling....

When Male Submission isn't Acceptable

        I had a conversation with someone recently, and it really left me thinking pretty hard.   He’s been my friend for years, and we’ve worked the streets together for almost as long.   He’s had my back in bad situations, and I’ve always tried to have his. 

        He’s going through a bad break right now, and most of the friends they shared are suddenly “her” friends – he doesn’t have many of us left.   I found out why when his now ex-fiancee sent me a nasty little text with a link in it last Tuesday, and the words  “Not the ‘real man’ you think he is”. 

        The link was to his Fetlife profile.   Where he lists himself as a sub.    Now, is it a public profile?   No – but it takes (as many have pointed out) about two minutes to create a blank profile to be able to browse and see other people’s images.    He had (he has since blanked out his profile) pictures of his back after a whipping, of himself in some pretty intense rope work, and a few of his “junk” being crushed by a pair of pretty sexy high heels.  

        In other words, nothing most of us on the bottom side haven’t gone through, dreamt of, paid a Pro Domme for, or thought about trying.   Nothing even particularly “extreme”.   At least not to me.   No video of him getting leathered up and pegged.   He wasn’t a member of the Bend-Over-Boyfriend groups.   No high res. images of him orally worshipping a TS.    Not even a drop of blood (just some impressive welts).

        I finally told him what she had sent to me, and tried to make him understand that it didn’t change a thing about how I viewed him.   We’re as close to brothers as we can be without sharing the same blood.   But what he went through isn’t the point to this writing.

        The point is, it left me thinking – what do you do when you’re in a job field, or a sub culture, where being male and submissive isn’t “acceptable”?    What can be done?  

        Okay, so you can hide it, you can lie; you never put up pictures of yourself with identifiable features.   You treat dating like a minefield, and you panic over every new meeting with a potential Domina.   Or maybe you even lock that part of yourself away, and just pretend it doesn’t exist for a few years).    You don’t tell anyone about it.  Which is pretty much a list of all the things I’ve done.   And I’ve done them to the point where my friend didn’t even know he was “confessing” to a fellow sub boy.  

        I can’t even try to commiserate with him, because I’m still too uncomfortable talking about my own proclivities – even having seen the pictures (and read the “fetish list”) of his.   So far I’ve just been giving him a safe place to talk, and buying him a lot of beer.  

        If she had sent that link to our superiors, he could have found himself at a dead stop in his career.  Or worse, without one.   To his Doctor?   Can you imagine trusting someone for medical help who looks at you like you’re just another “slave boy” trope from bad porn?   He’s Italian, and she probably did send it to his family – which explains why he’s spending most of his time alone or hanging out with me.  

        So here’s my question.   Not what can we do about it, as in “keep it secret, keep it safe!”.   But what can we do about the fact that in this society, being out-ted as a submissive man can ruin your life?    Is there some kind of literature we can write up and air drop onto communities?   Can we write Hollywood and ask them to set aside Christian Grey for a while, and do a classy romance movie about The Mistress in Red?  

        I’m not trying to make some big philosophical point here – this is just me writing out my confusion, and trying to find an answer I can give to a friend (and to myself) on something that I’ve seen a lot of other guys go through in this lifestyle.    The fear, the shame, and the angst. 

        And while there’s a small part of the community that openly seeks us out and tries to help, there’s just so many conflicting messages that it’s no wonder so many male subs feel they have to hide it.   Or treat it like sexual lechery, instead of a healthy lifestyle relationship.

        Female submission is a beautiful thing – that’s what the world and even our own community teaches with visual, written and non-verbal cues.    Male submission is something icky.   Something that many Dom males sneer at.  Many Dom females play into the “nasty little slave boy” meme and wind up reinforcing the sense of shame and angst.   There are even a few (a very rare few, thankfully) female subs who feel uncomfortable around and actively avoid sub men.  

        It’s not all bad.   There are also those beautiful, wise women who realize that male submission isn’t about being a weak man, it’s about being strong enough to want a partner who is challenging and stronger still.    Isn’t it?

        But that message doesn’t get through the static very well to most of us who choose to submit, and to try and find a partner.   It definitely dies a sickly death when it tries to pierce the leather curtain and get out into the vanilla masses. 

        So how do you be true to what you are, when you live and work in a career field and a sub-culture that makes male submission a crime?

        I don’t know.

        But if you do, let me hear it.   Because I have a friend who needs to hear it as much as I do.  

Fresh Lemonade - Easy Recipes for Service submissives

4 Full Size Lemons
1.5 cups of Cane Sugar (or half that of Stevia, is Mistress prefers)
5-6 cups filtered water (acid to Her taste)
1 Sprig of Fresh Rosemary

Juice the lemons and remove seeds and pulp, then leave the rosemary to soak briefly (less than half an hour) in the juice. The rosemary gives the lemon a woodsy, summery taste like some summer shandies.

Zest the lemon rinds while waiting and store that - it's a tough ingredient to find for marinades, and freezing it in an ice cube tray saves a ton of work later. Use some of the zest with filtered water to freeze into ice cubes - instant non-watering-down-drink ice.

Add the water to the juice slowly, pausing every cup to add a few table spoons of the sugar and stir until completely dissolved. Sweeten and acidify to Her taste (and if you don't know Her taste - bad subbie!), then serve with ice from the zesting if possible.

Black Bean Refritos - Easy Recipes for Service submissives

Soak overnight with shallots and minced garlic. When approximately doubled in size and the bean liquor has turned earthy and black, slow cook for 4-6 hours.

When soft, add chicken stock, beef stock, or chorizo sausage fat to taste and then use either a stick blender or a pestle to work into a thick paste. (I suggest the stick blender - so much easier! Oh My God.)

Continue until it reaches a purple color the consistency of loose wallboard mix (or under-whipped potatoes) and still has tiny flecks of black and yellow in it.

Serve on corn flower tortillas with carne asada strips or black chicken and guacamole.

And don't you dare use store bought guacamole, you lazy subbie.

Or forget the lime.

Male Submission Is...

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Social Media in a Kinky World

Please, please, please - take this with a grain of salt and a great deal of popcorn.

And if possible, take it to heart. Carve it in there with the grain of salt - that's sure to help it stay there.

Social Media is a blessing. It gives you the chance to gather information about family and friends you would never be able to keep up with otherwise.

It exposes you to games, cultures, music and movies that never would have enriched your life without it.

It, in the case of sites like FL, creates an online community where you can meet, learn, and find yourself.

....

It also creates a whirlpool into which your personal information is sucked, on a daily basis.

• Your photos have GPS tags that show where you live, where you work, and where you hang out.
• Your posts show up on most sites with a location, and a time.
• Your purchases through the net are fed to social marketing sites that tailor advertisements to you.
• ....And build profiles (unofficially, of course) about your preferences, favorite sites, browsing times and how long you stay on.
• ....And probable age based on surfing history, probable gender (based on sales patterns and site preferences), geographical location.
• ....and occasionally the exact location given by your ISP. Some even have your home address, because some browsers upload it from the cache when they 'dump' for error fixes.
• ....and your Google+ profile has your entire browsing history, as well as any apps (adult ones included) you've installed through the Google Play Store.
• ....Apple store does it too, btw.
• Fetlife is NOT secure, no matter how much you've been told it is. It takes thirty seconds to join, and about a minute for a techie to figure out a way around the "no click" protections on your photos and videos.

I'm not trying to make you paranoid. I'm sorry if I have. But you need to understand -
What you post? It stays out there. Forever. The joke photo of the strap on you put up on Instagram a few years ago will eventually haunt you during a job interview or worse. The jokes you make about your elected leaders? They're compiled in databases - and they /will/ show up later.

This is not paranoid left-or-right-wing fantasy - it's just the reality of the internet.

So please. Please. Be aware of what you do online, and be a little circumspect.

Or at least be aware of the risks you're taking as you post those photos.

Because a very good friend just lost his job, his self respect, and his professional reputation, because he thought he was "too old" to worry about "that facebook nazi crap".

What's the deal with WishToKneel?

See, I rhymed! /proud-prey/

• Not sure if I'm a sub - but doing things for Dominant women makes me feel good about myself.
• Not sure if I'm prey - but being around some Dominas makes me feel like a rabbit gratefully headed for the stew pot. And vampire-victim fantasies abound in my dreams.
• Not sure if I'm a bend over boyfriend - no one (Domme or self-assisted) has ever been able to get past "The GateKeeper". Not even with J-Lube.
• Not sure if I'm a service sub - doing things for some Dominas makes me feel worthwhile. Being ordered to come over and do no-strings-housework naked makes me feel irritated.
• Not sure, period. /confused boy/

I receive a lot of weird looks the few times I go to events. I feel myself being classified with the other "boys" (see the quotations? that means they aren't really 'good boys' - they're hole-in-the-popcorn-tub-at-the-special-olympics monkeys).

If you get the last reference, please PM me and I will be your friend forever. I'll send you special home made chocolate chunk, dark chocolate fudge, caramel ripple brownies randomly.

I'm not one of the "good boys". Yet. I'm trying. I'm not experienced enough, or humble enough. Many of them (a lot are on my friends list) awe me whenever I read their posts - they're so comfortable with humility and submission that they're full circle back into their own power.

Uhmm.....yeah. So, about this Wish To Kneel guy.

I work in law enforcement. Really. You'd be amazed how many of us are in this lifestyle, and just never talk about it to any of you. I work with a good 40-50 guys in my division, and I've seen them (although they'll never admit it, and I'll never discuss it with them) on FL or at events. Masters, subs, switches, crossgenders, transgenders, queers, and cuckolds. The power structures of the lifestyle call to us.

I have one play partner who is teaching me the ropes as she herself is learning. She isn't my Dominant - I haven't earned that, and I don't know that we'll ever be a good fit. She wants a bottom to experiment on - I'm not sure what I want - but being a guinea pig sometimes worries me. (Other times it excites me until I think I'm going to pop like a zit down there.)

I've been in the lifestyle longer (lurking, reading, doing self discovery and meditation, a few classes), but she's been taking classes over the last two years and has been actually playing and getting skills. She has a Master with 18 years teaching her. She's seven years younger than I am and a professional sexual trauma therapist. It's an odd dynamic. But I'm there to learn, and she is helping me explore new feelings and my reactions to those feelings.

I have two people I do service for - one is a retired Pro Domme (not the play partner) who has nothing to do with me sexually (Thank You, Ma'am - your reputation scares me), but allows me to do house repairs (I'm handy), calls me 'good boy' and tells me stories while I'm working about what it was like as a Pro Domme and mistakes client/bottoms made. It's a more than fair trade - I learn from others' mistakes, and emotionally I feel very small and prey-like when I'm at her home. Good feelings. ^^

The second is my neighbor. She's a lifestyler in her 60's, with (again) no interest in me sexually. Although she does squeeze my bottom every time I walk past and tell me that it was made for a younger "gell" to give "a good seeing to". Somehow, she makes that seem less creepy than it sounds when typed. The British accent helps. In fact, it has scarred me for life with an instant sexual reaction to female british accents.

I should move to london. /bouncy-sigh/