What's the deal with WishToKneel?

See, I rhymed! /proud-prey/

• Not sure if I'm a sub - but doing things for Dominant women makes me feel good about myself.
• Not sure if I'm prey - but being around some Dominas makes me feel like a rabbit gratefully headed for the stew pot. And vampire-victim fantasies abound in my dreams.
• Not sure if I'm a bend over boyfriend - no one (Domme or self-assisted) has ever been able to get past "The GateKeeper". Not even with J-Lube.
• Not sure if I'm a service sub - doing things for some Dominas makes me feel worthwhile. Being ordered to come over and do no-strings-housework naked makes me feel irritated.
• Not sure, period. /confused boy/

I receive a lot of weird looks the few times I go to events. I feel myself being classified with the other "boys" (see the quotations? that means they aren't really 'good boys' - they're hole-in-the-popcorn-tub-at-the-special-olympics monkeys).

If you get the last reference, please PM me and I will be your friend forever. I'll send you special home made chocolate chunk, dark chocolate fudge, caramel ripple brownies randomly.

I'm not one of the "good boys". Yet. I'm trying. I'm not experienced enough, or humble enough. Many of them (a lot are on my friends list) awe me whenever I read their posts - they're so comfortable with humility and submission that they're full circle back into their own power.

Uhmm.....yeah. So, about this Wish To Kneel guy.

I work in law enforcement. Really. You'd be amazed how many of us are in this lifestyle, and just never talk about it to any of you. I work with a good 40-50 guys in my division, and I've seen them (although they'll never admit it, and I'll never discuss it with them) on FL or at events. Masters, subs, switches, crossgenders, transgenders, queers, and cuckolds. The power structures of the lifestyle call to us.

I have one play partner who is teaching me the ropes as she herself is learning. She isn't my Dominant - I haven't earned that, and I don't know that we'll ever be a good fit. She wants a bottom to experiment on - I'm not sure what I want - but being a guinea pig sometimes worries me. (Other times it excites me until I think I'm going to pop like a zit down there.)

I've been in the lifestyle longer (lurking, reading, doing self discovery and meditation, a few classes), but she's been taking classes over the last two years and has been actually playing and getting skills. She has a Master with 18 years teaching her. She's seven years younger than I am and a professional sexual trauma therapist. It's an odd dynamic. But I'm there to learn, and she is helping me explore new feelings and my reactions to those feelings.

I have two people I do service for - one is a retired Pro Domme (not the play partner) who has nothing to do with me sexually (Thank You, Ma'am - your reputation scares me), but allows me to do house repairs (I'm handy), calls me 'good boy' and tells me stories while I'm working about what it was like as a Pro Domme and mistakes client/bottoms made. It's a more than fair trade - I learn from others' mistakes, and emotionally I feel very small and prey-like when I'm at her home. Good feelings. ^^

The second is my neighbor. She's a lifestyler in her 60's, with (again) no interest in me sexually. Although she does squeeze my bottom every time I walk past and tell me that it was made for a younger "gell" to give "a good seeing to". Somehow, she makes that seem less creepy than it sounds when typed. The British accent helps. In fact, it has scarred me for life with an instant sexual reaction to female british accents.

I should move to london. /bouncy-sigh/